Square One

It's at times like these that I feel absolutely incapable of going anywhere significant in life. I'm almost 27, and I just lost my job a couple weeks ago... now the reality that I may not be heading the right direction is settling in--relentlessly. It seems as if I was doing so good in the direction I was going with 4Home Control, that the universe threw on the breaks and said, "NOPE!"

So I'm back to square one...maybe. I don't know if my "dreams" or aspirations are even realistic at this point. I see a few of my friends from school succeeding, but they have had an "in" at one point or another. Yes, some of them may have created their in, but I guess that's another area in which I've failed.

I have a Bachelor of Science in Digital Media, with emphasis in Audio Production. This degree sounded impressive to me only for about the first year or so after I achieved it. Now it's just a piece of paper, and hasn't gotten me anywhere past knowing a lot about something that I may never be very respected in. The key term here is "may" never. It is still possible that I could, out of some unexpected turn of events, land a job, or meet someone--or something that will put me on track to being what my little heart desires most... which is to become a respected music engineer/producer.

Ever since I was 18 or so, and Michael Blinco introduced me to the art of recording sound/music, I've been obsessed with it ever since. I've gone from having a mini-disc recorder with a crappy little Sony electret-condenser microphone (which I was proud of at the time), to an Mbox 2, now to an M-Audio Profire 2626, which is gigged out with external preamps, great sounding microphones and monitor speakers, and plugin processors (half of which I downloaded illegally to try). My brothers and I have just recorded about 8 songs, 4 of which we plan on releasing to friends and family soon... but I'm not happy with them yet. The problem is that I've realized something. Without the right equipment, the right room(s), enough time, and the right talent, a project like the one we're trying to tackle takes a century... and even then, doesn't really sound as good as I had hoped because I don't have every tool an engineer dreams of at my disposal. In fact, I really wish I could just simply trade in my Profire for a Focusrite Forte interface. Then I would be set, minus the fact that I need a new Macbook Pro. This one has served me well the last few years (5 years actually), but it's time for an upgrade because my computer just can't handle the heat I put it through on projects like this. I have had a vision for my perfect studio/sound setup, but I don't even know if it would be worth it because another problem is that the music recording industry is in crisis right now.

The music recording industry has been getting increasingly over-saturated with "engineers". Most of the time, it's just members of bands, or people who like music a lot that just start recording music--people who have no knowledgebase of anything audio that throw together some equipment and try to make music that sounds good. Since equipment has become more and more portable, and less and less expensive, more and more of these "engineers" keep cropping up. They charge much less (if anything), so it makes it hard for those of us who actually know what they're doing to find jobs because people just don't pay enough anymore. Some of the bigger studios have gone out of business, while others are kept afloat by loyal artists who sponsor them.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I'm not doing it for the money... I'm doing it because I love it. Either way, if I end up doing this for a living, or not.. I will still do it on the side just for the fact that it's so enjoyable and rewarding for me. I was considering selling some of my equipment that still holds resale value... I think I'll hold on to it all. Who knows, I'll probably end up using all of it still on my future decked-out studio. I guess we'll have to wait and see.

I should have another job here soon.. Not sure with which company yet, but it'll be good to have a full time job again. I'll still be working piece-rate for Justin and 4Home Control, but it will be just a supplemental income and most likely under the table. I have to admit, all of this switching jobs and moving has to calm down. I've gotten fed up with moving and starting over so much. I could use some stability for a change. I'll probably keep this next job for a few years at least--unless I just absolutely loathe it like I did Ancestry.com, or if Justin and the rest of the execs over at 4Home can afford to bring me back on full-time. Or if either company has company-wide layoffs again (Heaven forbid).